The SBC convention, despite its oddities and quirks, seems to be experiencing a shift in age and culture. That is, a younger group of gospel-centered, Great Commission messengers attended the convention this year. Don’t believe me? A motion affirming Acts 29 was offered… in the form of a rap (unfortunately a rhythmically challenged rap, but a rap nonetheless)…
Category Archives: humor
Time Magazine: The Worst “Worst Invention” List
Time magazine recently released a list of the “Top 50 Worst Inventions” of all time. Their article should have made the list! Apparently the Segway Human Transporter is the worst invention EVER (even worst than the Ford Pinto and Hydrogen Blimps — both of which are on the list). According to Time, Smell-o-Vision is reasonably as bad as Asbestos! Recently the guys over at the Relevant Magazine Podcast (Jesse Carey, Josh Loveless, Ryan Hamm, and Chad Michael Snavely) made fun of Time’s “lazy editorial work.” I uploaded a four and a half minute audio sample of their hilarious banter. Give it a listen!
Foot in the Mouth: A Marriage Moment
I love this Sonic commercial. Enjoy.
King Jimmy and Bad Preaching: Laugh So You Don’t Cry Edition
I ran across this amazing video. What’s a little stupidity to go with your Sunday sermon?
Two of my favorite points in the video. First, he says the amazing heretical statement, “You have to do something to be saved.” I’m no Calvinism apologist, but that’s ridiculous.
Second, he says the word “sovereign” doesn’t occur a single time in the Bible. He meant to say the word “sovereign” does not occur in the King James translation of the Bible (“If the King’s not on it, the King’s not in it”). In other translations the word “sovereign” occurs hundreds of time. FYI, no English words occur in the Christian Bible.
After watching this a few minutes I remember another terrible preacher who had a King Jimmy fetish. I’m pretty sure it’s the same man!
“A man is someone who pisses against a wall.” Yeah, he just said that… OUT LOUD. Did you hear it? Preachers who don’t piss against the wall, “that’s what’s wrong with America.” I’m sure the three people in the audience are as confused as the rest of us.
At this point we can all just hang our heads in shame and realize Christians such as this are “what’s wrong with America.”
Identity Theft Protection… It’s a Scam Too
Have you seen those LifeLock commercials where the CEO of the company glibly displays his social security number with no fear that someone might steal his identity? For a small monthly fee you can have the same peace-of-mind!
Apparently, Todd Davis (the smiling LifeLock salesman/CEO) has a reason to be alarmed. According to the Phoenix New Times Davis, whose social security number is plastered all over the internet and television commercials, had his identity stolen thirteen times. From lines of credit to cell phones, people have used the silver-tongued spokesperson’s ubiquitous personal information to “steal his identity.” Despite LifeLock’s spin, it is clear that the company can not even protect their spokesperson from identity theft. In fact, the Federal Trade Commission fined LifeLock $12 million for “deceptive business practices and for failing to secure sensitive customer data.” In fact, the FTC accused LifeLock of “operating a scam and a con operation.”
There is always a con artist waiting to capitalize on the fears of the ignorant. If is beautiful and ironic when such a con artist get’s what he deserves.
I Believe I Can’t Fly
There is a popular notion floating around the motivational speaking circuit and infiltrating elementary school character education that your future possibilities are endless. The pop-psychologists and unflinching optimists tell us we can “be whatever you want to be” if we put our mind to it, try harder, and think happy thoughts.
A personal example to make my point: in two years of junior, junior varsity (that’s two juniors) I scored negative one point; I made one basket for the other team and one free throw for my team. The fact is, no matter how hard I try and how much I practice I will never be in the NBA. I have certain vertical challenges that make playing professional basketball infinitely improbable.
No matter how hard I believe I can fly, gravity says otherwise (sorry to disappoint the R. Kelly and Space Jam enthusiasts among my readership).
Before you despair I want to make clear that a lack of superiority does not mean that one should avoid a particular hobby, activity, or interest. Some things are worth the time and effort whether or not you will ever be an expert or a professional (e.g., Bible Study, parenting, etc.). I still, for example, enjoy playing Basketball despite my lack of professional prospects. I do, however, have realistic expectations. The problem with overly optimistic rhetoric is that it produces unrealistic expectations.
One of my favorite things about the Bible is that it provides the perfect mixture of hope while grounding me in a perfectly realistic understanding of human frailty. How can the Bible explain the depths of human debilitation while describing the hope of change and growth? We are not the ones responsible for our hope but, rather, the perfect God-man, Jesus Christ. By the grace of God we have a realistic understanding of our sinfulness and a genuine hope of redemption.
“But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect… No, I worked harder than all of them — yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me” (1 Cor. 15:10).
I Don’t Think We Know Each Other That Well…
How well do you have to know someone to ask them to help you move? I mean, do you really want some casual acquaintance carrying your underwear drawer or helping you sort through your comic book collection?
At what point is it appropriate to ask someone when they plan on having kids? This is a question that my wife and I are asked often. I usually respond by asking the inquirer when they are planning on having kids. If they have the Duggar-syndrome, I ask them when they are going to stop having kids or just inform them that they have enough children for the both of us.
Social conventions are just weird. For example, when you randomly talk to someone that you’ve never met before (maybe at a restaurant or in an elevator) and you say, “How’s it going?” What do you do when they start unloading all of their baggage? It seems appropriate to be kind and gracious but it’s still awkward.
My only solution is to find people that you can really get to know well. Share your life with those people. Then it won’t feel awkward when they ask you to help them move, share their problems with you, or question you about your reproductive plans!
Another Little People Show? Really?
Time for a rant. What’s up with TLC and their obsession with little people. I understand the why people are drawn to such shows — morbid curiosity. They want to stare at little people on TV. TLC obtained initial success with the reality show “Little People, Big World” that chronicled the life of the Roloff family. That show explained the daily difficulties of little people. However, it also showed that little people are just people. Their families are just as average as every other normal family (needless to say I am not too impressed with the Roloff’s parenting skills).
Then comes the show “The Little Couple.” To be fair, I like the couple in this show a whole lot more than the Roloffs. Bill and Jen (aka “the little couple”) are very normal, well-adjusted, loving people. My biggest problem with this show? It majors on the mundane. The producers spend time following the couple on benign vacations and birthday celebrations while failing to explain all of the triumphs and successes that had to occur for Jen to become an intensive care pediatrician! Essentially, this show follows very normal, intelligent, average people who happen to need a step stool to cook dinner.
I am not trying to minimize the difficulties of little people. I understand life is more difficult for someone with dwarfism. I just think we’ve turned disabled people’s lives into a carnival freak show. We pay the network our money and stare at the “Little Couple,” “The Little Chocolatiers,” or the “Little Parents.”
I saved my TLC rant about shows featuring morbidly obese people, or families with 20 kids, or anyone who is getting married…
Owl City = Awesome
“Owl City,” the one-man synth pop band is officially amazing. His sound is catchy, cool, and clean. His lyrics are full of aquatic puns. He loves Jesus but isn’t preachy. Here is an article on the man, the myth, the legend.
Another reason “Owl City” is amazing? Unrivaled facebook status updates! Some of my favorites include:
Never buy a car you can’t push.
I’m going to be discussing global warming next week. Wear shorts. It’s quite a heated topic.
I was going to jump off my house into a bucket of ice but I got cold feet.
I once directed a high school play about fishing. It had a great cast.
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
To me, boxing is like ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and the dancers punch each other in the face.